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Hash #137 - Mustache Hash - January 30th, 2011
Hare: Chin Chin Chiller
Today's IH3 revisited the area around Ueno Station. By all accounts the trail was entertaining, if somewhat short, and lacking in both shiggy and sunshine. Down downs were held in some park somewhere near Ushiku Station. Sadly, the park's toilets were locked for the weekend, leaving the pack...well I'll leave that to your imagination.
We were granted the dubious honour of meeting Virgin Hashers No Name Martin and No Name Zoe. Having landed in Japan only days before the hash, they were chomping at the bit to get to the trail (in NN Martin's case at any rate) and the beer just like tried and true hashers. Also, IH3 Virgin Miss Piggy finally graced us with his presence; after years of teasing, he finally came.
I can't say much about the trail, since I didn't run it. (Hey, I was keeping NN Zoe company!) But, the beer stop was awesome. Incumming hashers were greeted by two smokin' hot chicks holding out cold beer. Even so, in a feat of amazing self control, Crusader blew through the beer stop with barely a second look - and certainly without even a sip of beer. This serious faux pas was later remedied with a down down.
Down-down entertainment included the admiring, and mocking, of everyone's mustaches (or feeble attempts at mustaches). The prize for best mustache surely goes to Ice Helmet although we all wondered what he was keeping in there.... And the prize for luckiest mustache goes to Rapunzel, who decided to check his e-mail right in the middle of shaving (having finished his beard and not yet moved on to his mustache) and found out in the nick of time this month's theme. Now that's cutting it close! Mustache kudos to Chin Chin Chiller who was creative enough to use false eyelashes for her mustache.
Down-downs ended a little earlier than usual as Slammin' Bambi and Greasy Oshiri went off to visit Shy Guy in hospital (on a side note, Shy Guy has be released from the hospital and is now recovering at home and doing well), and the rest of the pack headed to Ushiku Chateau to sample the local brew.
On On
Slammin' Bambi
Hash #136 - Present and Bonfire Hash - December 19th, 2010
Hare: Dr. Bombardier Host: Tiger General
Today's trail led the pack on an adventure through the Shiggy from Sanuki Station to a warm welcoming Bonfire at TIGER GENERAL'S house. The trail started a little late as IMRESSIVE HOLE and GREASY OSHIRI arrived at Sanuki later than expected, but felt better as ICE HELMET took the prize for showing up the latest, even by Ibaraki Standards.
DR. B Set off on a live trail at about 1:35 and in his dust the pack chased on. At the beerstop, RAPUNZEL was the first to arrive and almost take his eye out with all the burrs that had accumulated on his gloves. As each subsequent hasher arrived, it was interesting to see exactly which part of their body got ravaged by burrs. NO-NAME-JOSH probably had the most, as it was difficult to distinguish where his pants started, and the burrs stopped.
We were once again welcomed to TIGER GENERAL'S house for a very gracious visit. The bonfire was stoked, and there was an incredible assortment of different food to help warm up hungry hashers. The venison stew was delectable. The venison jerky was delish. And we were not disappointed as RAPUNZEL served up some amazing Christmas pudding with rum sauce. (Driver IMPRESSIVE HOLE had to be careful how much he ate!). Hashers brought a variety of presents to share and this was much appreciated.
Noteable down-downs included:
DR. B for his trail, and not getting his dates correct from last year's run (correction noted by RAPUNZEL), and for mixing up the rolling stones
with aerosmith, and for bleeding for the trail, and for being a racist (Tsukuba Marathon 10 km in 46 mins?) and...
(****WOW DR. B, how were you feeling when you got home??)
CHIN CHIN CHILLER for her funny hat, and her new letters for her name "DR. C3" (not official hash name), and as a member of the short-cutting bastard posse
ICE HELMET for being the first short-cutting bastard, bringing such fine beer, and for the santa #1 or 2 distinction
70% for being 110% today (on her christmas tree stump), and leopard underwear (pending visual confirmation)
GREASY OSHIRI for providing the beer, and having weak batteries in his headlamp and as a member of short-cutting bastard posse
TIGER GENERAL for being the host with the most and for a STAND BY MEAT look alike, and for not even attempting to run the trail today (something about a bad knee??)
SECOND HAND JOB for mixing up Christmas with Halloween with the animal she wore on her head (was it a ferret?), and for being a racist (TSUKUBA MARATHON: 4 hr 54 mins??), and a birthday down-down
CHU CHU for being our trusted snackmaster and wearing Christmas red
RAPUNZEL **Santa down down (see ICE HELMET SANTA DOWN DOWN), as a SLAMMIN' BAMBI look-alike
NO-NAME-JOSH for being a racist (Tsukuba Marathon 10 km in 52 mins?), and for having tape stuck to different parts of his body and as a member of the short-cutting bastard posse
IMPRESSIVE HOLE (Driver's beer) for being Canadian, and a Jesus Christ look-alike for birthday down-downs, and for (arguably) trying to slow down the Hare at the beerstop
It was a great day with fine companions, great food, and wonderful location. It was a perfect way to end 2010 for IH3. Thanks to all who have helped support our hash in Ibaraki. Cheers to a safe and happy holiday, and can't wait to hash with you all in 2011!!
ON ON!
Impressive HOle
Hash #135 - '80's Harvest Hash in Tsuchiura - November 21st, 2010
Hare: Impressive Hole
Today's run was the 1980's theme and Harvest Hash where the attire was 80's and the feast was provided by all hashers (who brought some food for the nabe). IMPRESSIVE HOLE did his best to provide a trail that was worthy of our hashers. It was a brisk 8 km or so, and hashers finished up in a nice pack. No one was lost (that we know of yet).
There was a great feast of nabe and other goodies that hashers generously provided. TIGER GENERAL did not disappoint again this year as he brought more deer for us to eat. Not to worry, SLAMMIN' BAMBI was fine and dandy. There were 4 (at last count) different nabe's to enjoy. Vegetables were brought by all much to the delight of our fickle resident vegetarian DR.B - how was the meat Dr. B? As usual, our snackmaster CHU CHU did not disappoint by cooking and transporting without incident a delicious pumpkin pie! DR. B brought his now famous hummus which didn't last long (as usual).
We had 3 virgins this month: No-name Josh, No-name Scott and late cummer No-name Robert. They took their first down-downs like champions. There were numerous down-downs for the Hare. NO-NAME JUNKO is on the verge of a naming as it was noted this was her 4th IH3; one more to go! TIGER GENERAL had a down down for not even trying to look 80-ish (but we loved your meat and veggies!). GREASY should have had a down-down for making the 80's look so good, but instead he was recognized as our fearless Beermeister. SLAMMIN' BAMBI got a walking down down with PUSSY HUNTER and our songmaster DR. B took some drink for re-introducing some songs but not putting them into our songbooks. RAPUNZEL stood in as RA today to give the Hare/RA a bit of respite, and took the reigns with gusto. Thanks RAPUNZEL. There was a bit of confusion about 70%'s stockings/leg warmers. Were they part of your 80's costume or your real socks?
A great day had by all. Thanks to everyone for helping make the 80's Harvest Hash a warm, bountiful afternoon. See you all next month for Dr. B's hash.
Written be Impressive Hole.
Hash #134 - Hash Olympics - October 17th, 2010
Hare: Chin Chin Chiller
We haven't seen any hash flash (or flashers) for quite a long time, so here is an update from the most recent hash in Tsukuba "HASH OLYMPICS". Disclaimer: This was written 3 weeks after the hash. In addition to foggy memories created by ample down-downs, the time between running and writing has created a few voids in the accuracy and detail of this Hash Trash submission.
Our Hare and HOC (hash Olympic Committee) chairperson this month was none other than CHIN CHIN CHILLER. She set a vigorous trail starting from Tsukuba Station and ending up in a local park. The trail was short and straight, and the beer stop was plentiful. (Actually, it was long and windy, and we ran out of beer, but who's keeping track at this stage?)
We were lucky to have two guests join us this month - We had C3's mom and dad visiting from the homeland to join us for our international olympics. Speaking
of olympics, our teams were:
Team 1: IMPRESSIVE HOLE, ICE HELMET, RAPUNZEL and MAMA C3
Team 2: GREASY OSHIRI, CHU CHU, DR. B, 70%
Team 3: C3, "No Name" Junko, and PAPA C3
There were hard-fought battles in the annual competition. Events included the balloon-blow, pom-pom poop, swing-low ball race, pasta-toss, grass bobsled and the favourite chug-crush-toss beer can event. Highlights of the events included a close call with MAMA C3 and IMPRESSIVE HOLE's crotch (see picture in Hash Flash: IHo looks happy). The pom-pom poop was a greater challenge this year after the inclusion of a playground obstacle. ICE HELMET did his best in all events even with his injured shoulder - he was an inspiration to his teammates. The climax could not have been denied - C3 regained her crown as champion of the chug-crush-toss beer can throw - much to her own delight.
Down Downs were aplenty. ICE had one for showing up late (with a fixed iphone). There were a couple of family down-downs (C3, Dr.B, Papa/Mama C3). Our hare C3 had many a down-downs. As always, Beermeister GREASY and Snackmaster CHU CHU provided ample drink and food and were rewarded accordingly with a down-down. RAPUNZEL and 70% both had down-downs … but at the time of this writing, I can't remember why? Love you guys both for always helping out at IH3! All-in-all, we enjoyed a great day out in Tsukuba. Thanks to all for making this years Hash Olympics a great success. See you next month at the Harvest hash.
Written by: Impressive Hole
Hash number #124 - Tropical Hash - December 20th, 2009
Hare: Impressive Hole Co-Hare/Host: Tiger General
Well it certainly seemed like a tropical day… not a cloud in sight as the hashers braved the beautiful weather to take part in the TROPICAL HASH in Ushiku. We met just outside Ushiku station with a slight confusion of hares. There was a nice PINK bunny rabbit that was almost snared before we even set out on trail.
We had a great turn out from our IH3 members as well as great support from Tokyo hashers and even SABER GAZER representing the tropical Okinawa H3. The pack set out on trail after loading up the car for GREASY OSHIRI who was just on time for IH3 time (meaning he was about 5 minutes late). We had 2 late-cummers who were in Ushiku but were apparently lost (See down-downs). IMPRESSIVE HOLE and TIGER GENERAL provided a mid-distance run from A to B to the feast that awaited us all at the GENERAL'S house.
There was some question as to why SLAMMIN' BAMBI wasn't present at the hash, especially since there was a delicious DEER BBQ provided by TIGER GENERAL. We were reassured by GREASY that the DEER was much more delicious and that our fearless GM was busy with official engagements. We were not deterred from enjoying the food, drink and merriment, however, and all hashers were very grateful for the wonderful hospitality provided by Tiger General and his family.
Some of the DOWN DOWN HIGHLIGHTS are as follows:
We had many first-timers to IH3: No-Name Aki, No-Name Noriko, No-Name (forgot your name, gomenasai), SABER GAZER (OH3), and nihon-cha-cha-cha's OTOSAN. We had yet another NAMING this month too… 3 months in a row! No-Name Travis was baptized by RAPUNZEL to be forever known as STAND BY MEAT. The hares drank down together, and I HAVE THE CLAP had to have some Ziggy-Zaggy's for not listening to the Hare Down-downs. There was a FURRY CHIN CHIN and CHIN CHIN CHILLER down down for, well,… same(ish) names. RAPUNZEL and ICE HELMET had Santa Clause DOWN DOWNS. STAND BY MEAT had a Theme abuse down down for not looking TROPICAL (and stealing flowers from Ushiku Station). Not only late-cummers, but also DFL's (even after IHole's sweep) TAKE ME HOME and NIHON CHA-CHA-CHA had to drink. We were happy that THUNDER BALLS ARE GO could make it with his children, but he had a down down for not confirming his attendance and simply showing up ready to eat meat. He loves the BBQs!
In addition to the great weather, trail?, hospitality, campfire and beer, hashers also exchanged gifts from a tropical trip (Christmas present). Thanks to all for your generosity.
Rumour has it that there was another "ON AFTER" in the shadows of USHIKU station with IHole, C3, Dr.B, SBMeat, and SHJ. Perhaps too much beer was consumed as SBMeat and IHole missed their bus and had to grab a cab. (SBMeat, I won't forget I owe you ¥500).
Thanks to all who made this hash so memorable. Also, thanks to all who supported IH3 this year. 2009 was a blast! Looking forward to seeing you all next year.
"ON ON!" to IBARAKI HHH!
By: Impressive Hole
Hash number #123 - A Scotsman's Hash - November 29th, 2009
And what a glorious hash it was. Save for all the worthless sunshine that decided to blare its unwanted rays upon our runners. Obviously, somebody didn't tell the Religious Advisor that it's cold and wet in Scotland this time of year. In fact, somebody forgot to tell him to even come. But no worries there, because at 12:15 Ibaraki time (that's 1:15 for all you people with watches that work) our loyal and faithful Impressive Hole look alike came strutting through the gates at Midorino Stations. That’s right: Dekkaimono. (See down-downs)
Fortunately, there was plenty to do before 1:00 Ibaraki time. Chin Chin Chiller and Formerly No Name Jesse (see down-downs for naming ceremony) had made not one! Not two! But three people cum. That's right, there were virgins in attendance. And while the hashers went around in there pre-hashing ritual, which involved howling like crazed-wild monkeys, doing a jig, and playing hacky-sack. The virgins sat by in their little circle of protection, like we hashers were some kind of crazed animals. Fortunately, they weren't against the hackey-sack ritual and one by one they came to join us. Finally they seemed to shed their last shred of shyness when Ice Helmet showed up with kilts.
Four members of the Ibaraki hash (Rapunzel, Ice Helmet, Formerly No Name Jesse (who even painted his face "Braveheart" style), and No Name Travis) got decked out in MAN skirts and letting their balls hang low as per the theme. IH3 hash was ready to commence… after about a thousand pictures and retakes. And finally, after a tearful mourning over a dropped bottle of Scotch. I think I might cry just thinking about it. Thanks for bringing it. And if we were better men we would have cut our tongues on that glass and licked that golden elixir off the ground.
So, in true Ibaraki fashion we got underway just after 1:00 Ibaraki time. And with an uproarious cheer they were off, some 15 runners in total.
At the beer stop, the hares commenced betting on who would be the FRB for the beer stop. Ice Helmet, Formerly No Name Jess, and No Name Milosh had good odds. But odds didn't mean anything against Virgin No Name Nastya, who pulled up the front with all the other runners coming in no more then a minute behind her. And of course Ice Helmet, who came from the completely opposite direction… shortcutting? Maybe? And after some delicious beer the run commenced once more.
At the final destination, the famed Midorino Station, Formerly No Name Jesse shortcut-ed his way into the FRB position. He blamed his knee for it, said it was acting up and he just wanted to finish quickly. But a lot of good it did anyone who finished the run early. Because No Name Travis had been left in charge of the finish while Rapunzel went for a bite to eat. And with his virgin hare instincts in full blossom, he made the runners stand around and wait, with no beer, clueless of how things are actually done. But everyone's hero Rapunzel showed up just in time, before everyone got really thirsty and took control.
The down-downs were done in a small little kids park not far from Midorino Station. Ice Helmet took control of the circle as one of the senior most members of IH3, very few of the mismanagement showed during this run. Fortunately, though, the important people were there: Hash Snack Chu Chu and Beer Meister Greasy Oshiri. Let's have a drink to them. And also, let's not forget the Virgins: No Name Nastya, No Name Lena, and No Name Dima. All from Moscow. And the two who not only made them cum but supplied them with whistles: Chin Chin Chiller and Formerly No Name Jesse. Let's drink to that.
For cup and whistle check, a few people were ousted, but none as bravely as No Name Milosh who said: "I don't need no cup and whistle, I like drinking" Thanks for keeping to the true spirit of hashing. And the Religious Advisor look-a-like Dekkaimono, who was voted for unanimously, with only her vote in disagreement. Let's drink to that.
And after many ziggy-zaggys, too many to remember, Ice Helmet called for a short break in down-downs, during which time several members decided to play on the kiddie toys and No Name Travis even decided that climbing on top of them was a good idea. Do I hear a down-down in these peoples future?
Then, break over, the haphazard and glorious naming ceremony commenced. Trumpets could be heard blaring far and long into the night, and kings and queens alike were in attendance for this holy of holy occasions. And as the names dwindled to but two: One of them being Multi-Fuck-tional, for his ability at multi-tasking like a champ, and another name that referred to his studious PHD and his ability to clear a room with his flatulence… Formerly No Name Jesse was sworn into Hashing to be forever known as, or until someone less important than us IH3 members decided to rename him: Dr. Bombadier.
See you next time kids.
ON!ON!
No Name Travis
Hash number #122 - Annual IH3 Hash Olympics - October 25th, 2009
The designated hares were No-Name-Lucy (now Chinchin Chiller), No-Name-Jesse, and Ice Helmet. Of course Ice Helmet's idea of haring is arriving several hours after the run starts. (Ok, he did have a good excuse of spending a night (all two hours of it) in a car with two girls. Unfortunately, one of them was throwing up). The run to the Olympic grounds was a short A-to-B run of about 4 km, and it started at the Banpaku-Kinen-Koen station. The people who actually ran the trail were No-Name-Jesse (laying the trail half-an-hour before the start time) and the main pack of four: Rapunzel, No-Name-Travis, 70%, and Shy Guy, who set out with a beer in hand.
On the course, we cut through temple grounds and then out to a field laden with seeds that had an obnoxiously strong power of sticking to your clothes. 70% decided to remove these seed on course; 20 minutes later she was running again.
The course ended at Banpaku kinen park; however, our initial end point was taken by a lonely high school trumpeter. While waiting for the hashers to arrive, the hare No-Name-Jesse was accosted by a nice old lady that insisted on cleaning all 1000 seeds off of him, and to show that she wasn't going to take shit from hashers she gave us a bag of tomatoes.
On on to the ha-lympi-sh games! Intimidating the peaceful park goers with their wild yells, incredible strength, and unorthodox maneuvers, the hashers/athletes competed in three categories of games: transfer games (read: shoving stuff in your ass games and hip thrust games), throwing games, and awkward running games. Team A consisted of Slammin' Bambi, Shy Guy, and Ice Helmet. Team B was Rapunzel, Greasy Oshiri, and No-name-Jesse. Team C was 70%, No-name-Travis, and No-name-Lucy. Highlights of the games include reverse-bounce peanut from No-name-Lucy; 70% cutting the obstacle course short and having to run it all over again; and No-name-Travis carrying the little furry balls in his ass ever so gingerly and depositing them in a nice little pile exactly an inch off the target (see the pictures).
What's that? The games are almost over and here comes Impressive Hole! (He did run the trail as witnessed by those seeds on his shoes.) Now it's time for Impressive Hole to do all the games by himself. He seems to have missed the idea of the hip-thrust-ball race because he's more interested in having a 3-way with 70% and Ice Helmet.
Down-downs began with the awards ceremony. Team B coming in first place was given plastic medals and drinks of choice. Team C coming in second also gets some plastic and runner up beer that was not picked up by the gold medalists. Team A... yeah, they get plastic too and some stomach churning drinks.
Next, we get to the all-too-important task of naming No-Name-Lucy. Of course, she's interrogated with the light in her face. Then told to get the hell out of here. After ages of voting we narrowed it down to two possible names: Chinchin Chiller and Three Girls Are Better. In the end it goes to Chinchin Chiller.
Three cases of beer later, we sing the Hash Hymn.
By: No-Name-Jesse with some help from Chinchin Chiller
P.S.: Special thanks goes to Greasy Oshiri who drove the bags/snacks/beer from point A to point B and Slammin' Bambi and Pussy Hunter who went directly to the point B to meet the hares to tell them that Ice Helmet will not be showing up on time. And also to Chinchin Chiller’s a bicycle, which was used by several hashers as a transportation to the bathroom.